Work

I'm back at work today. It feels odd.

What feels really odd is that I'm not dialling that familiar number, not having stupid short conversations, no "Okay, bye!", no sharing, no just because.

Otherwise I'm okay. Got a little bit of sleep last night and talked to B for quite a while. I felt quite angry and that was good for me, I think. Today it's back to the whole no-contact-is-bad/contact-would-be-so-much-worse thing. Thankfully I'm not staying in the same place as last time, and this new place is much nicer - much homier, not as spartan/cockroach-infested/depressing/dark. I have a different resident too.

I caught up with R last night, an old friend I'd had no contact with for a while. I was just talking about how things don't seem "right" but that everyone says they will again eventually. He said, "Yes - a different 'right' but still right". That's probably it, I think.

I hope I'll be resilient enough to do this job. I told the guy from the organisation that I had been really worried that the situation would jeopardise my chances of getting the job - he said that they had flagged it as a concern but that after interviewing me the second time, they were satisfied that I would be all right, and that he thought I had "a certain maturity" about me which made them confident that I was still the right person for the job. I hope so. I was completely honest with them at the interview - I didn't deny that it'd been a difficult time and that things weren't all back to normal yet; I did say though that I thought by the time of dispatch I'd be okay. That I don't know yet but surely with this amount of time two-fold to come, it's a reasonable guess, I think.