A bit of stasis

My suspicions were right - I'm actually not doing as well here in Melbourne as I was when I was away from home. It's a mixture of things - being in familiar places, going past the apartment, the fact that he emailed me on the day I got back, having to move stuff out of the apartment, those sorts of things. Ugh. It really sucks.

I'm off to Perth tomorrow though, which will be good I think. Good to be in a new place - I've only ever been to Perth once and that was 7 years ago - with new people doing different things. Hopefully my aches and pains (which I'm blaming on the 4 immunisations I had yesterday) will have worn off a bit by tomorrow. A change of scene will be good.

So surely the "change of scene" that moving to Thailand will bring, will also be a massive positive too? I wish it would sink in a bit more. It's that feeling of being dragged along by life rather than really being in it at the moment, although I'm much better than I was. I'm able to joke and laugh and drink and eat and have a good time. There is a bit of an undercurrent of "empty" but it's more manageable than it was. I've got all the information about the pre-departure briefing now, and I've the rest of my medical stuff lined up. All that really remains is to get that plane ticket in my hand. Perhaps that will be the clincher. It's only 32 days until I leave. I bet I'll look back when I've been over there for a while and wonder why I didn't make more of the time I had before leaving, but I am trying pretty hard! There's no way to make all these difficulties in my head go away, so it's just a matter of working around them as best as I can until I go.

And maybe once I've left, and had a bit of time to process all the changes and the shock, I'll feel freed of all of this. That would be amazing.