1 week, no contact

I wrote a really long post yesterday but it's on my laptop and I left my USB key behind when I left my last work placement - it should arrive in the mail before the end of the week though. Must remember to post it retrospectively, was feeling quite "thinky" when I wrote it.

So it's been seven whole days, no contact. I wonder if he's noticed?

Of course he's noticed.

And of course if I were "over" this then I wouldn't even think about whether he's noticed or not!

Work is still really slow. I'm on call tonight, I'm hoping it will be quiet and that my sleep won't be too interrupted. Tomorrow night my consultant, the resident and I are going out to a nice restaurant for dinner which should be good. I've felt a little below par at times today and I know it's just natural to flag a bit at times but that doesn't help much when I'm actually in the process of flagging! I know I just need to drag myself through, remember what J-mother-of-T said - "if it is worth having it will come back, but in the meantime this is just trash". When I'm feeling rational I know I shouldn't go back and fortunately circumstances should get in the way of my ever trying to do anything toward that un-what? unsavoury? undesirable? unhealthy? Probably all of the above, actually.

I'm still a bit fidgety about confirming this job. I know they've already told me it's mine but I will feel much better once I have it in writing! They still haven't done all the reference checks so I'm just waiting, waiting... I just know that things will be a whirlwind after I finish up here and head home. I'm going to Perth for a few days of relaxing and hopefully fun stuff, and then there's the potential for things to happen very very quickly after that. I'm sure I won't feel "ready" - psychologically or practically - by the time I leave. In the last couple of days I've talked to a couple of people who have been in Chiang Mai recently and loved it, which is great. I'll be there for 5 weeks to start, so it's good to hear good words about it. Then after that -- who knows how things will be? Hopefully as positively life-changing as everyone seems to know it will be (everyone but me, that is). I do think sometimes that I won't be able to help but feel better after a while, even if I want to be miserable. Even these last few weeks have taught me that, and life hasn't exactly been a barrel of laughs.