Trying

As expected, that feeling of empowerment hasn't lasted. It did give me a good 24 hours, though. I went to bed last night feeling kind of a bit - well, sad, and this morning I'm sort of somewhere in between.

I can't remember very clearly, but I think I might have had a dream about him last night.

This healing process is always going to be rational mind vs irrational mind, isn't it? Rationally nothing has changed, I still know that whatever changes have occurred in him have made him someone other than the person I love so much, but irrationally - I'm missing, missing, missing him. K said on the phone that he's probably wracked with guilt - it was this same irrational mind that replied that I didn't want him to be wracked with guilt, I wanted him to be plagued by regrets.

Today I'm going to spend the day with S and then G is coming around to take me out for dinner. I hope that I'm able to make myself better company than I currently feel I am.

M is coming down from Sydney on Friday and we're going to go around to the apartment and pick up some more stuff. I'm dreading it. I really just want all of that to be over and done with so that I never have to go there again.