Still kicking

I felt strangely empowered last night (see last post, entirely out of keeping with the rest of this blog to date). Today I feel less "I can do it!" but not too bad. I'm just at a bit of a loose end for things to do.

I think realising that he has changed and that he seems like someone else will be helpful for a while - just allows me to create distance between us that didn't exist before. I've no doubt that if we saw each other in person this distance would just crumble so I think that non-contact is important. I can see that the further I get from this, the further away I am from that initial, terrible shock, the more I'll be able to call on my rational mind rather than my "heart".

The way things are at the moment is pretty crap, but it's more bearable than the heartache and woundedness of last week. I know I'll still have days like that, but at least I have managed to prove to myself that I can be better, even if it's only for an hour or two at a time at this stage.