My day has ended better than it began.

I want to tell him that's not about hate, although if it simplifies things for him to think of it that way, then he can think it is. I also want to tell him that it is wrong to try and debase what we had now, in retrospect; the things he feels he "shouldn't have said" I am certain were sincere and heartfelt at the time. No matter how much things are changing or have changed, it is wrong to go back and try to retrospectively change the meaning of something that was clearly intended in a particular way at the time.

I spent a good amount of time tonight sitting on the couch at a friend's place, talking and thinking and talking. I don't know if it was useful - I don't know if any of this is - but I felt a bit better at the end of it.

I really do not want to let him destroy my life, rip my self-esteem to shreds, make me feel small. So I'm going to stop replying to his emails.