I just had coffee with a friend. I am beginning to wonder if indeed the only reason why I feel better is that somewhere in my very muddled mind there is a little rogue corner that is telling me that we will get back together? I don't even know whether it is that, I'm just worried that it is. How ridiculous.
I really want to be able to rip off the bandaid, get through the stinging pain, recover, move on. If only it were that simple! N (the friend I had coffee with) told me it doesn't really matter why I feel better, and that I should just enjoy not feeling devastated. I told her I'm worried that I will crash and burn again and she said, "So what if you do? You'll pick yourself up again, especially now that you know you can."
We had some email contact today. I think we had too much and I think maybe it might be fuelling this possible delusional mind-bit (gee, I'm great for certainty at the moment, aren't I?). I know it needs to stop.
I can't believe it's only been 4 days. This is going to take such a long time.
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