5 things

My friend K told me to write down 5 things that are good about me and my life.

1. My family
2. I have amazing friends who are all stepping up to give me more love and support than I could have imagined
3. I love my work, more than most people I know
4. The plans that are slowly shaping up for the rest of the year
5. I am intelligent, have varied interests and am good company (well, not now - but generally)

I had a long, long talk with my friend J about things earlier this evening. She said some things that I think I should try to remember.

• Even if I never get more information, even if I never understand this situation more than I do now, it will inevitably get easier over time
• Even without "all the information", I have more than I need in order to draw the line in the sand and tell myself that that is enough, the relationship would never have been the right thing for me, and I will be better off for this having happened
• No matter what happens for him in his future relationships and how bad it might feel to me initially, it will not change that this wasn't the right relationship for me
  
• In even a couple of months, I will be at a point that is unimaginable right now
• I shouldn't think about wanting good things for him, or wanting him to be okay, or really anything about his life really, because when he gave me up, he gave up the care I had for him as well
  

K also said

• In the end, I will think of this as a favour that he has done me
  
• I deserve someone who thinks I am wonderful and is absolutely committed to me, without reservations
• It is hard because it is so raw and new, but I will get through this - grief has its own timeframe

I need to cut the ties.